The Space Between Our Limits
“Margin is the space between our load and our limits and is related to our reserves and resilience. It is a buffer, a leeway, a gap; the place we go to heal, to relate, to reflect, to recharge our batteries, to focus on the things that matter most.” – Margin, Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded lives, Richard A. Swenson, M.D.
It had been a really long day and in some ways it was just starting to rev up. I had been preparing for an event most of the morning that would begin right around dinner time that same night. I was hungry and had not eaten a thing since breakfast, a decision that I was now regretting due to a pounding headache and an angry stomach.
Honestly, eating seemed inconvenient.
Those words look a lot worse written out in front of me. They sound absurd now, wrapped in pride.
I managed to finish what I was working on, but working up until the last minute meant that I was now running late to the event. Running late might not have happened in the first place if I had given myself a little extra time to prepare.
The problem was… I really did not have any extra time at my disposal.
As it was I had no margin, no time to do anything but push and rush and apologize. Why did I feel like this was not a one-time thing, but that a pattern was emerging?
There are these moments in our lives that define what direction we will go from a certain point. There are times when we come to a crossroad in our journey and we are shaken awake to something that we have never understood before; a fresh message of reality that startles us and opens our eyes to what matters most.
Some lessons are learned in a way that seem to take our freedom of choice away, maybe because we have abused that freedom for too long. Some lessons make the right path so obvious that the choice seems to already be made for us, but because we are now awake to the world around us, we can clearly see that it is the right way to go and so we move.
These powerful lessons are difficult because we are often so asleep and on auto pilot in our day to day, that the impact of waking up causes a sort of emotional whiplash that takes time to recover from.
I am still recovering from the jolt that was brought on by not creating a healthy margin in my life, margin to take care of those around me in a deeply encouraging way. The pride that pushed me to go so fast, so hard and so long finally had a consequence so great that I could not deny which direction I would go next.
When I finally got to the event my hands were full of good things, but too full to fully engage those around me. I had that laser focus in my eyes that was a result of making a promise to myself not to waste any time between my car and my marked destination.
No matter what, I was going to get to my post without any interruptions.
Don’t I know by now that this is exactly the moment God steps in and intervenes, reminding me that I am free to make my well thought out plans but He will direct my steps? It makes sense, He knows everything and I come up a little short in that area.
I knew that I would inevitably run into people who might want to visit and I would nicely nod my head as I swiftly made my way by them. I knew they would understand, after all they were probably in a hurry too. All anyone ever says when you ask them how they are doing is “busy” anyway. I was doing them a favor by choosing not to impose on their own limited time. At least these are the things I like to say to myself in my head.
It all seemed to be going as planned until I saw her.
I had known her for years and although we had some rough spots in our past, we had moved well out of those and into a friendly place. I saw her from what seemed a mile away. I will never forget the look on her face; she needed me to have time for her.
I was full, filled with rush and hurry, eyes forward focused leaving no room for sideways distractions. I was running late and that gave me no room to linger with you friend, no time to tend to your wounds.
I had forgotten again why I am here. I had forgotten why I breathe and move and work and play. My growing intimacy with Christ causes me to screech to a halt when true need is close by, not blindly run for the next “to do” item on my self-made impossibly long list.
I am being transformed encounter by encounter.
“And we all, with unveiled face, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit.”
All of the margin in my schedule was eaten up and I had nothing to give you in the moment that you needed it the most. You were hurting and although I thought I might be the last person that you would reach out to, I now know that you were desperately trying to.
I could have never known that less than one month later she would be gone from this world.
Our lives are not filled with random encounters in common places, they are God appointed moments that take space to recognize. I was never more aware in that moment that what I choose to put on my calendar, as subtle as it may seem, has deep consequences. What I choose to say “yes” to will always have a corresponding “no” to it.
There are moments that unfold before us that are so richly seasoned with this kind of sweet invitation to full disclosure. Moments that are expanded wide, open to full view right before our eyes.
We recognize them, don’t we?
There is an awkward pause in her response to a question. We sense a loss of hope in a hug that holds on tightly past the acceptable timing of an embrace. We sense a sadness in her eyes, exhaustion in her movements. We notice the heaviness in her voice as she attempts to say the simplest things, because even the “easy stuff” has become impossible to do.
These standard social rules of engagement get broken, because the people that we are coming into contact with are breaking.
I wondered when it was that I began to meet breaking with busy? How did I let my margins become so small? I had become blurry eyed in my effort to become efficient, asleep in my effort to live fully awake.
I think it can happen overnight really. The phone can ring once and end with a thousand yes’s. By the time the week has ended my month has filled up. I can find myself gathering the good things instead of guarding the greater things.
If my aim is to be transformed into Christ likeness, then I must first give myself time to linger in His presence. The more I know Him the more I will see others as the priority of my days here on earth, because the more I know Him the more He reveals Himself through my day to day life.
I will make many mistakes along the way and I will stumble and fail on many different occasions. I cannot know the future and I cannot predict the opportunities that I may miss to love another human being when they need it the most, but I can plan my days with margin enough to be ready for them when they come. I can choose to remind myself when they do that these moments are what I was truly made for and everything else can wait and that Grace covers it all.